Don't Should on Me!

I love the book, "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise Hay.  I recently decided to read it again and work the exercises that she has her clients do as part of their therapy.  Louise says, and I agree, that our problems are never what they appear to be, our problem is always a lack of self-love.  Well, I have been working on loving myself for several years now.  And, as a life coach, I help other people clear out their "gunk" so that they can develop self-love as well.  I was surprised to see how much of my own "gunk" was still hanging around.  And, I am grateful that this exercise helped me uncover that gunk so that I could clear it out to make more room for love!

The first exercise is to make a list of all of your "shoulds."  For example, I should lose X pounds, I should train the dog, I should go to the gym, and so on...after I made the list, I went back over it for the next couple of nights.  I added why I thought I should be doing that particular thing, or what I thought might be keeping me from doing that particular thing.

The first time I went back over the list, I came up with "reasons" that I could not or would not do the particular item ("should') on the list.  The second time I went over the list, I did the same thing.  Only the second time I had more information.  I realized the information that I added the previous night was how I felt about the "should."  Judgements about myself and/or what I thought other people thought of me with regard to the "should."  Reading back over the information that I had added to the "should," I could see that fear was the root cause of why I couldn't or wouldn't do the "should." 

But, of what was I afraid?  Well, that too amounted to the same thing in every instance.  I was not enough.  Thin enough, pretty enough, smart enough, brave enough...good enough.  I realized I was being very critical of myself, and all that I accomplished was making myself feel bad about me!  And, that translates into not loving the self. 

Louise feels, "...should is one of the most damaging words in our language.  Every time we use should, we are, in effect, saying "wrong."  Either we are wrong, or we were wrong, or we are going to be wrong."  I agree with her, in that we have enough wrongs in our lives already.  We certainly don't need more.  Let's just say, "I could, if I really wanted to."  And, leave it at that.

All of our "shoulds" are based on a belief that we have about something.  Where did those beliefs come from?  Are they true?  Most of our beliefs were given to us by our parents or other people who influenced us during our formative years.  They're not even ours!   But, that's a topic for another day... 

Meanwhile, do the "should" exercise.  You will learn what really makes you tick...and once you learn that, you can begin to change who you are that very moment.  Even someone who loves themselves can always love themself more.

You get what you give

If we dwell on our mistakes, are critical of the way we look and carry ourselves without confidence, others will see us the same way. The problem is on the inside. Here is an example of the principle taken from the Bible:


"And there we saw the giants, the sons of Anak, which come of the giants: and we were in our own sight as grasshoppers, and so we were in their sight. (Numbers 13:33)
If you want to be successful, you must first see yourself as successful. If you want to be well liked, like yourself! If you want loving relationships, love yourself. You cannot give what you do not have...

Exercise/innercise

No matter what "The Problem" appears to be on the outside, when we get right down to the heart of the matter the issue is always the same...we are not good enough.  At least that is what we subconsciously feel about ourselves.  Why?  Negative thoughts replaying.  Where did they come from?  Usually our parents. 

It's not where they came from that is important.  It's what they are.  What did your parents say about money? Your talents? Intellect? Love? Relationships? And, so on.  Make a list of all the things you can remember.  Relax and get comfortable.  Close your eyes.  Their words will come back to you. 

Look over the list.  What are the negative messages you heard growing up?  Those are your beliefs!  Those seemingly harmless words are putting limits on your life!  Our present circumstances were formed by our past thoughts.  Our future is being formed by our present thoughts. 

Now get to work, think back to the negative messages you were subjected to as a child...from relatives, teachers, unofficial church teachings, friends.  All those negative messages replaying makes you feel "not good enough."

The beliefs we have about ourselves based on these negative messages replaying have to be removed from our minds.  If you are broke, it is only because of the negative messages replaying.  If you have relationship problems, it is only because of the negative messages replaying.  And, those can be cleared out!  Once we clear them out, our lives will "work!"

How can we clear them out?  By changing our thought patterns.  One way to do this is by positive affirmations.  Write down the opposite of the negative memory replaying in your mind.  Read it several times a day...keep it running through your mind.  Especially right before you fall asleep at night.  That gives your subconscious 8 hours to marinate on the positive replacement thought.  Also, it is my understanding that the mind can handle ten affirmations at a time.  Do this everyday for 40 days.  Yes, 40.  I'll blog on the reason for the magic number of 40 another day...but, for now just trust me and do it for 40 days.  Then ask yourself if you still believe the negative message?  If not, start working on replacing another negative message with a positive affirmation. 

Another way to clear out the negative messages replaying in our minds is by "declarations."  Saying the positive replacement statement out loud.  For instance, the negative message replaying is, "You can't be spiritual AND rich." Put your hand over your heart so that you can feel your vibration (remember, the Law of Attraction is the Law of Vibration) as you speak, raise your right arm as if to testify, and say something like, "God has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness." (2 Peter 1:3)  Declare your positive replacements several times a day and right before you go to sleep.  Again, do this for 40 days.

For more information, I recommend Louise Hay's book "You Can Heal Your Life."  It is life changing.

What's on your mind?

Whatever it is, it is going to come to pass...we become what we think about all day long. Because that is what we are programming our mind to believe.

You will become what you believe you are. If you believe you are overweight, you will become really overweight. If you believe you are disorganized, you will become very disorganized. If you believe you are broke, you will always struggle financially. If you believe you will never be cured from a disease, you will always be unhealthy. Here's the good news...if it works for negative beliefs, it also works for positive beliefs!

You see, God has already blessed us with all that He has. Ephesians 1:3 tells us:
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who hath blessed us with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places in Christ." In Psalm 5:12 we have a promise from God of "His shield of FAVOR surrounding you." We can not “earn” the favor of God, it is a gift. So, when we pray, there is no need to beg Him for help or for something we need or want...He has already given it to us! It is already ours.

You may not feel blessed today. Your bank account may be empty. You may suffer with an addiction. You may be alone. Nevertheless, speak and act as if whatever you are seeking is already in your possession. Thank God for the blessings in the past tense. You will begin to feel as if the blessings are already in your possession...then you will have the belief. That's the faith. That's when it shows up...

Have a blessed day "assuming the feeling of the wish fulfilled."

I wish I were you...

Last night one of my teenaged daughters told her older sister she wanted to be her, "Because you are thin and have a great tan..." Overhearing this, the coach in me kicked into overdrive! I opened my mouth to take advantage of the teaching opportunity, only to be silenced by my "thin and tanned" daughter. She said, "Let me tell you what I have learned..." She began by telling her younger sister that she had learned that you must be happy with yourself the way you are. Otherwise, when you are "thin and tanned," you will still be unhappy. Wise words for one so young...

I struggled with what I call the "IF ONLY" syndrome for most of my life. I would be happy if only I were 20 pounds lighter. I would be happy if only had more money in the bank. I would be happy if only my husband would...I would be happy if only my children would...It finally dawned on me that I would never be happy because I was living a life over which I had no control! I had given all of my control away. And, I didn't even know how to take it back.

Then I listened to The Success Principles, by Jack Canfield. I learned that I must take 100% responsibility for everything that showed up in my life. Not blame. Just responsibility. Because if I wasn't responsible for what showed up, I had absolutely no hope of changing my circumstances!

Now I go through life reminding myself that whatever circumstance I may find myself in, there is no one to blame. Although it may look like my misfortune was caused by another, I know this is never the case. I know that whatever showed up was the result of whatever I was thinking. And, I find it very comforting to know that if I caused my circumstances with my own thoughts, I can change my circumstances by changing my mind.

Simply put, our "self-talk" is what shapes our lives. Positive thoughts about ourselves will produce a good self-image. Change your thoughts, change your life. Improvement begins with I.

Releasing

I have been working on a new self-esteem program that I am almost ready to share with our clients, especially the teenagers. I was talking to one of my friends about the program today. She said that the program would be great to get our clients to the point where they could really understand that there was an underlying emotional block which caused the poor self image to begin with. Then she said she could help them release the emotional blocks so that they would be able to gain confidence in themselves and move forward in life without fear of the unknown. WOW! Even better than I had imagined. Life is grand!

My Body, Myself

I know that in order to fully participate in life, one must be fit to do so. Since we live simultaneously in three different worlds, the physical, emotional and spiritual. one must simultaneously work on their body, mind and spirit. Becoming truely fit, generally requires a self-transformaiton. Several activities are necessary to achieve a full transformation: physical work-outs, reading and listening to motivational materials, journaling, scripture study, other forms of spiritual enlightenment, and most importantly, creative visualization. Imagineering, as Walt Disney dubbed it, is simply the practice of using your imagination to create in your mind the picture of whatever you want to be, do or have. It is the single most important element in the creative process. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in the physical world without first happening in the mental/spiritual world. Therefore, as it says in the Bible, "As a man thinketh in heart, so is he." We become what we think about, or more importantly, HOW we think about what we think about. For instance, I gained 50 pounds in four years worrying aobut gaining weight. Worry is praying for what we don't want! "I don't want to gain weight", the focus is on weight, weight is what you get. It's the Law of Attraction. So, now I want to "release weight" so I must focus on my, "perfectly healthy and fit body." Therefore, during a discussion this morning, a friend suggested, and I agreed, that perhaps because I was not accountable to anyone regarding my physical fitness, it was just not happening fast enough! (Or perhaps had completely stalled out!) That was logical. In my personal coaching, I hold my clients accountable for completing exercises (or innercises) designed to raise their consciousness. Accountability is essential for change. Therefore, we agreed that I should get a trainer, work his/her program, he/she would hold me accountable.  And, I would go directly to my perfect weight. And, in record time, because I am already there in my mind! As Wayne Dyer puts it, "think from the end." I am my perfect weight of 126 pounds and I can eat whatever I want. If you want to progress along with me, shoot me an email and we can help each other stay focused on the task at hand...ourselves. Once we fall completely in love with us, we can begin to shift our focus to our true desire: helping others who what what we have. Health, wealth and happiness. Meanwhile...Hold Your Vision.