Don't Should on Me!

I love the book, "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise Hay.  I recently decided to read it again and work the exercises that she has her clients do as part of their therapy.  Louise says, and I agree, that our problems are never what they appear to be, our problem is always a lack of self-love.  Well, I have been working on loving myself for several years now.  And, as a life coach, I help other people clear out their "gunk" so that they can develop self-love as well.  I was surprised to see how much of my own "gunk" was still hanging around.  And, I am grateful that this exercise helped me uncover that gunk so that I could clear it out to make more room for love!

The first exercise is to make a list of all of your "shoulds."  For example, I should lose X pounds, I should train the dog, I should go to the gym, and so on...after I made the list, I went back over it for the next couple of nights.  I added why I thought I should be doing that particular thing, or what I thought might be keeping me from doing that particular thing.

The first time I went back over the list, I came up with "reasons" that I could not or would not do the particular item ("should') on the list.  The second time I went over the list, I did the same thing.  Only the second time I had more information.  I realized the information that I added the previous night was how I felt about the "should."  Judgements about myself and/or what I thought other people thought of me with regard to the "should."  Reading back over the information that I had added to the "should," I could see that fear was the root cause of why I couldn't or wouldn't do the "should." 

But, of what was I afraid?  Well, that too amounted to the same thing in every instance.  I was not enough.  Thin enough, pretty enough, smart enough, brave enough...good enough.  I realized I was being very critical of myself, and all that I accomplished was making myself feel bad about me!  And, that translates into not loving the self. 

Louise feels, "...should is one of the most damaging words in our language.  Every time we use should, we are, in effect, saying "wrong."  Either we are wrong, or we were wrong, or we are going to be wrong."  I agree with her, in that we have enough wrongs in our lives already.  We certainly don't need more.  Let's just say, "I could, if I really wanted to."  And, leave it at that.

All of our "shoulds" are based on a belief that we have about something.  Where did those beliefs come from?  Are they true?  Most of our beliefs were given to us by our parents or other people who influenced us during our formative years.  They're not even ours!   But, that's a topic for another day... 

Meanwhile, do the "should" exercise.  You will learn what really makes you tick...and once you learn that, you can begin to change who you are that very moment.  Even someone who loves themselves can always love themself more.